Well ….. the holidays was officially 2 weeks ago when the final stats exam ended =D shiok …. no more studies. But the current dilemma is facing 6 weeks of free time. Technically i have a plan but ……. lets see if it works out XD.
This damn holidays is gonna be lonely ….. 1st time in 3 years plus. Kinda sucks …. being single after 3 years, not used to the ‘unattached’ feeling …… like drifting with nothing to hold you back, scary. ARGHH!!!
I don’t know what to say anymore ….. the conversation that ended a 3year relationship goes like this (not 100% exact .... but the gist of it is there):
Me: HELLO BABY!
E: Hey!
Me: Why so long never call me?
E: Busy mah! But Darren ...
Me: Wait ..... You got some unpleasant news to tell me ..... that's when you call me by my name ......
E: Yea ... sort of bah .... listen .... I want a break up.
Me: ......(around 10-20sec .... might be more)
E: Hello? You still there?
Me: Yea .... still here.
E: So?
Me: So? So what? What can i say? You always know i respect your decisions. But i think i deserve to know why.
E: (chinese)I don't think i can wait 3 year. i know you can but i just can't.
Me: (chinese)We were together for 3 years already, and now you want to give it up? I don't believe it ..... you met someone there didn't you?
E: (chinese)I guess there really is no reason not to tell you ..... you can practically read my mind ....
Me: glad you know ......
E: Like you said ..... i met someone ..... i like him, and he already asked me out
Me: Then i guess there is nothing more i can do or say but give you my blessings ......
E: (chinese)....... but you know we still are best friends don't you?
Me: (chinese)Yah .... i think i can manage that.
E: I know i don't need to say this cause i know you already understand but, i hope you understand.
Me: Well .... its near 11pm here .... and what? 2pm your side?
E: yes ... 2.34pm here now.
Me: haha ... ok then, best friends again
E: best friends forever.
Me: HAHAHAHHAHA!(i was reminded of something)
E: What what???
Me: You remember the two person i told you about before you left? The two at my school?
E: OH YAH!!! HHAHAHAHA!!
Me: (chuckles) i guess this really might work out.
E: I know it will, you taught me that haha.
Me: well call me whenever you can ok? since we are still BFFs i think you can at least let me worry about you like old times.
E: hahah okok, i will call when? next week this time ok?
Me: sure thing, sure thing.
E: well good night
Me: Good Afternoon to you! hahahah
E: hahhaha .... okok i'm hanging up now.
Me: bye bye.
This wraps up a telephone conversation and a relationship ……. At the end some might think im alright and okay but … i spent almost the whole night and whole next day feeling like shit and not having any mood to do anything ….. The moment the call was ended, i could literally hear my heart breaking ….. every beat of my heart was like a dagger stabbing into my chest …… couldn't even muster the energy to cry or sleep ….. just lay there on my bed looking at the ceiling and feeling the hurt …..
But having her as a best friend is better than nothing right? Someone tell me it’s true ….. cause i can’t seem to tell myself without feeling like I’m lying to myself.
I really don’t know what to say anymore ……. really really don’t know. I hope this will not kill me ….. but i guess this is worse than dying.
signing out
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